


there’s so much more that we're gonna find

by SiderumInCaelo



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Love Confessions, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 19:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30144144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiderumInCaelo/pseuds/SiderumInCaelo
Summary: After returning to the 23rd century, Kirk brings Spock back to his apartment.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51





	there’s so much more that we're gonna find

**Author's Note:**

> As a birthday present to myself, I took a break from the angsty _Voyager_ fic I'm working on to write some very self-indulgent Kirk/Spock.
> 
> Title is taken from the song "Sinking Sun" by Mt. Warning.

After they're fished out of the San Francisco Bay, they’re given dry clothes to change into and then debriefed by Starfleet. The debrief is mercifully quick, though whether that’s in deference to their need to rest, a necessity of Starfleet being stretched thin trying to repair the damage of planet-wide storms, or because they’ll all be returning tomorrow for their overdue court martial anyway, Kirk isn’t sure.

Regardless of the reason, Kirk is allowed to leave after just over an hour of explanations and questions. Exiting the conference room, Kirk finds Spock standing outside.

“Spock, you didn’t have to wait for me,” he says, but he can’t pretend he’s not pleased. He starts walking down the hallway, Spock falling in beside him. 

“I take it your debriefing is completed, Jim?” Spock asks.

“Yeah, I’m all done,” he answers, then pulls up short as Spock’s words - one in particular - register. “You called me Jim,” he says, scarcely daring to hope.

“You have repeatedly asked that I address you as such,” Spock says, tone impassive, but Kirk swears the corner of his mouth twitches upwards, just a bit.

“Yeah, and you kept on calling me ‘Admiral’ anyway,” Kirk points out. “Are you…” he flounders, not knowing how to ask, or if he wants to hear the answer. “Do you remember everything?” he finally manages.

“I had regained all my memories before we left Vulcan,” Spock says. “However, those memories are now reintegrated with my personality. Before, I simply knew that prior events had occurred; now, I know what they mean.”

Only now, with Spock’s familiar, warm gaze on him does Kirk let himself feel the weight of the past months, the worry that Spock would never truly come back, that Kirk had lost his friend irreversibly. He blinks and clears his throat before he can do something embarrassing like start crying in Starfleet Headquarters. 

“Welcome back, Mr. Spock,” he says, voice deliberately light. “Now, how about we get out of here?”

He doesn’t need to look to know Spock will follow him.

* * *

Kirk brings Spock back to his apartment. It's not that Spock has nowhere else to go - while he doesn't have his own place since being declared dead, Sarek could doubtlessly find a place for him to stay, and if not there are plenty of hotels in San Francisco - but rather that Kirk is reluctant to have Spock leave his side. An irrational impulse perhaps, as Spock is finally - _finally_ \- back to his old self and therefore quite capable of looking after himself, but Kirk thinks it’s excusable, given all that's transpired.

"Here we are," Kirk says unnecessarily when they arrive, as the door closes behind them. "You remember where the guest room is?" he asks. It ought to be a rhetorical question, but he waits for Spock to nod in the affirmative.

"Great. The bed's made, and there's a clean set of towels, as well as clothes in the dresser if you need something to sleep in. Extra toothbrushes are under the sink." Kirk tries to think if he's forgetting anything. "Do you need anything else?"

Spock shakes his head.

"Then I'm going to call it a night, I'm beat. Make yourself at home," Kirk tells him, gesturing vaguely at the apartment around them, "and come get me if you need anything."

He just barely resists the temptation to ask Spock not to leave the apartment without telling him. Spock doesn't need looking after, and is unlikely to appreciate Kirk acting like a mother hen.

He settles for patting Spock on the shoulder as he heads towards the bathroom. He makes a perfunctory attempt at brushing his teeth, then stumbles towards his bedroom and changes into his pajamas. He hadn't been lying when he told Spock he was tired.

He had intended to go straight to sleep, but the worry and guilt and aching grief he’s been carrying around collides with his sheer _relief_ that Spock is his old self again, and this time he doesn’t stop the tears from coming.

He does try to stay quiet, mindful of sensitive Vulcan ears, but -

There's a knock at his door, followed by Spock's voice. "Jim, may I come in?"

Kirk hastily scrubs the wetness from his cheeks, for all the good it'll do, then says, "Door's open."

The brighter light from the hallway spills into his bedroom as Spock steps inside. "What is wrong?"

"Everything's fine, Spock," Kirk tries, though he doubts Spock will believe him.

He’s quickly proved correct. "Yet you are crying," Spock observes, moving to sit beside Kirk on the bed.

"It's just everything catching up to me," Kirk says, trying to sound casual; Spock continues to look at him, clearly unconvinced.

"You died," Kirk says bluntly, abruptly too tired to continue evading the issue. "I _watched_ you die, and I couldn't even touch you." He holds up his hand, fingers spread in the _ta'al_ , just as he had that horrible day in the engine room.

Spock mirrors him, pressing their palms together - no glass between them this time. "I am here," Spock says. "I am alive."

"I know," Kirk says, smiling despite himself, and lets his hand drop. "And I'm so grateful we got you back. But it still happened."

"I am sorry to have caused you distress," Spock says quietly.

"Oh, Spock," Kirk murmurs fondly, helplessly. "Only you would die to save your crew and then apologize for it."

He looks down at his lap, taking a moment to appreciate having Spock beside him, and recognize how lucky he is. "It was awful watching you die, but I loved you for being the kind of person who would do that," Kirk says softly, still looking down. "And for about a hundred other reasons besides. I regretted not having told you that, afterwards."

"Jim," Spock says, and then his fingers are on Kirk’s face, along his jaw and under his chin, gently tilting his head up so his eyes meet Spock’s. "I knew. You said it in actions, if not words." His thumb strokes over Kirk’s skin, just for a moment, before he pulls his hand away. "I hoped that you, in return, knew I held you in equal regard."

"I did," Kirk says, knowing as the words left his mouth that they were true. "Of course I did. But it's nice to hear it, all the same."

"Indeed," Spock agrees, which Kirk takes as an invitation to lean against Spock's side. Spock doesn't object; rather, he puts his arm across Kirk's shoulders.

"Does it change anything, now that we've said it out loud?" Kirk asks.

"Do you want it to?" Spock asks in return.

Kirk shrugs slightly, knowing that Spock will feel it. "I don't know. I was so focused on trying to get you back - really back - that I didn't spend much time thinking about what comes next."

He shifts slightly, pressing more solidly against Spock. "Really, I just want you in my life. In whatever capacity you'll have me."

Then he realizes that might be a lot of pressure to put on Spock. "Not that I expect you to have an answer right now," he adds. "We can go slow. See what happens."

"I am amenable to that plan," Spock answers, and something settles in Kirk's chest at the words.

Though conversation lapses at that point, neither of them make any attempt to move. Kirk would be quite content to stay like that indefinitely, but between the dim and the quiet, and Spock's reassuring warmth against him, it's becoming harder and harder to stay upright.

He drifts off for a second, then snaps back to awareness when his head lolls forward to find Spock looking at him.

"I should let you rest," Spock says. But he still doesn't move.

"You could sleep here," Kirk offers, hoping very much that he's not overstepping. "If you want."

"I do," Spock says, his voice steady.

Kirk slides under the covers, holding the corner up in wordless invitation; Spock joins him, close enough that their shoulders brush.

Kirk turns, tucking himself into Spock's side, draping his arm across Spock's chest. "Is this all right?" he asks, the words slightly muffled by Spock's shirt.

He’s answered by Spock’s hand running through his hair, before coming to rest on his shoulder.

Spock's other hand reaches out briefly to click off the bedside lamp. "Goodnight, Spock," Kirk murmurs into the darkness, and hears a quiet, "Sleep well, Jim," in return.

The last thing Kirk is aware of is the faint thrum of Spock's heartbeat under his palm.


End file.
